Parents and Teens Talking Together About Contraception

Even thinking about talking with teens about contraception sends many parents frantically running for the exit. In the United States today, about 60 percent of high school seniors and 85 percent of 20-year-old youth have had sex; 50 percent of all new HIV infections occur in 15- to 25-year-old youth; and about 750,000 teen girls experience a pregnancy each year. Parents cannot afford to remain silent about contraception when talking with teens.

Young Americans grow up in a society that uses sex to sell every product imaginable—from cars to cola. And the newest sex educator, the Internet, has perils as well as positives in what it offers related to sex.

So what's a parent to do? What are the important messages parents need to convey to their children so that teens will protect themselves and their partners against unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and will grow up to become sexually healthy adults? Here are some tips for talking with teens—female and male—about contraception and condoms.

1. Assume that teens have had no instruction about contraceptive methods. Most schools don't teach this subject. Teens may say they know all about contraception, but much of their "knowledge" is myth and misinformation. If you feel that you just can't talk about contraception, then ask a health care provider, relative, or friend for help.
2. It's possible to talk with a teen about not having sexual intercourse while still fully educating him/her about contraception and condoms. Your teen will need this information, at some point in life. Just remember that talking about both abstinence and contraception does not send a mixed message. Parents need to empower teens to act responsibly, by saying, "When you decide to be sexually intimate with someone you care about, always, alwaysuse protection against pregnancy and STIs."
3. Share your hopes and expectations with your teen, the hope that the teen will wait until he/she is older and more mature. At the same time, realize that most teens do not wait, especially not until marriage. Today, most young men are nearly 29 when they marry, and young women are nearly 27. Over 90 percent of American adults say they experienced sexual intercourse prior to marriage.
4. Know that not all children are heterosexual. Regardless of sexual orientation, all teens need information about preventing pregnancy and STIs. During their teenage years, many teens experiment—regardless of their sexual orientation. Lesbian and bisexual teenage women may experience pregnancy. Gay and bisexual teenage men may father a pregnancy. Like all other teens, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender teens are vulnerable to STIs, including HIV.
5. Emphasize that sexual health is not only about using condoms and birth control but also about staying healthy, lifelong. Teens need to know where they can go for health care and treatment before they are sexually active. Teenage women frequently say that fear of a pelvic exam (second only to fear of parental discovery) is their reason for waiting six to 18 months after initiating sex before they see a health care provider about contraception.